I confess I have a tendency to make an idol out of almost anything. By that I mean I will put that thing I want above other more important things. Money is a good example, I will try to get and keep money at the expense of almost any other area of my life. If someone needed something from me, well I had to work so I couldn’t help.
I don’t see that when I read about the life of Jesus in the bible. Although it doesn’t say much about His life before He started His ministry, is it possible there was a time in Jesus’ life that work kept Him too busy to help someone? Did that happen on one occasion or many? In my own life I know it happens all the time.
There is one story in the bible that talks about Jesus being too late to heal someone and they died. Apparently Jesus was on His way to the house of a leader to heal the leader’s daughter who was very sick. Well a woman who had suffered many years with an illness touched Jesus in the crowd. He felt that power had gone out from Him and looked around to find out who had touched Him. Of course everyone was crowding Jesus. His disciples acted much the same as I do when He asked ‘Who touched me?’ They kind of acted like how stupid are you Jesus? Because they said ‘You see the people crowding around you and yet you ask who touched me?’ I feel very annoyed with Jesus because of this all the time. He isn’t looking at what I am trying to accomplish He has His own plan. Of course, the daughter He was going to heal died while He was wasting time on the way. But Jesus was unabashed and said to the girl’s father the leader, ‘Don’t be afraid, just believe’. I am not facing the death of a child in most circumstances, but I think I understand how that leader and father must have felt in that moment. When Jesus said that I wonder if He thought, ‘Sure easy for you to say’. I know I think that all the time, and yet Jesus went and raised the girl from the dead and gave her back to her father the leader. Now whatever he had been feeling would have been washed completely away and no matter what he felt he should have listened to Jesus and trusted Him. If it would have been me I would have been filled with grief to the point of death and angry at Jesus for wasting time while my child died. I would have felt like the biggest turd after seeing that Hew raised my daughter from the dead.
Even though I don’t have a daughter at all I go through this story all the time in my life. I see things I don’t want to happen happening and I get angry with Jesus for letting those bad things happen, but many many times when I finally see what He is doing I feel terrible for charging Him with wrong doing since His plan is so awesome once I finally see it that I am put to shame for ever doubting Him. Yet I still doubt.
Jesus is the God of the Universe so why do I keep depending on money or my car, job, spouse, boss or whatever for things that God will provide. He says to seek the Kingdom of God first and everything we need will be provided. There have been times I’ve been able to seek His kingdom first and He has provided everything I needed.
I think the problem comes when I put my will about God’s will. I want to feel comfortable in a situation, in control even. But I need to let Him have control. He has never failed to provide, but still I keep trusting in my idols. If only I could actually make my life the way I want it to be by my own efforts. I have worked very hard all my life, but I never seem to have enough strength to transform my life into something better.
During some of the times I have let Jesus have control He has been able to make changes I never could have. So I keep trying to tear down my idols and it looks very odd from the outside. Like shooting myself in the foot and blaming Jesus for it. But I am sure many of us who follow Jesus can relate to that. Isn’t that where the term fools for Christ originated. If only the phase were rich guys for Christ, but rich men are no fools. Can that be why Jesus pointed out that it’s harder for a rich man to enter the kingdom of God than it is for a camel to pass through the eye of a needle. But as Jesus pointed out later, all things are possible for those who trust in God.
His words seem to ring true in my own life. But trusting God can be very difficult when something I don’t like happens. God works through all things but it can be very painful to accept some of the things He might be working out. I think sometimes I just disagree with some of the things He seems to be allowing to happen. I am far from a just judge of the situation however. If I could see and know all the things God sees and knows then I might have a better spot to stand and judge His actions. But still that doesn’t mean I am going to like everything that ever happens when I give control up to Jesus.
However when I am in the Spirit worshiping Jesus there is no better feeling, nothing safer. You could literally kill me during those moments and it wouldn’t come between me and Jesus. But I have never figured out how to live in Spirit like Jesus seems to have done. That must be the key. I really doubt Jesus enjoyed being murdered on the cross, but God was working through that and I would be lost if Jesus hadn’t submitted to God’s plan. Obviously any suffering I might be personally experiencing pales in comparison to what Jesus went through, yet I cry and complain and refuse to trust God’s plan for my life.
On the other hand God strengthened Jesus in order for His will to be done. I am willing to be God is really the key to all of this. God will strengthen us and draw us near to Him in order to complete His will.
I will continue to do my best not to worry as Jesus said. Hopefully He will increase my faith soon.