I need to shift gears here a little. I’ve been running and maintaining this website for many years. It has always been my strong desire to use this as a platform to discuss Jesus.
I met Jesus about 2 and a half years after graduating college. I had a very high GPA during school and was expected to be successful immediately after graduation. My trust in my education was severely misplaced, I was unable to find work for 2 and a half years in Michigan during a severe recession. My illusions of grandeur were shattered and I felt like my life was completely worthless.
I remember reading a book on spiritual warfare, I was on the toilet at the time. Sorry for the gory details but I want to fully disclose this. So I was in the bathroom reading this book on spiritual warfare feeling like my life was worthless. Well the book kept urging me to trust Jesus and give Him my life. I was in such abject despair that I prayed and told Him to take my piece of crap life if He even still wanted it. I think I actually used even stronger words than crap, but He still took my life completely over.
He gave me a job as a contract web developer with a very good client who had plenty of work for me. If it weren’t for Jesus doing that, you probably would not be reading this right now, hence the title ‘Jesus is the reason this website exists’.
I was shocked by what Jesus did, I had been convinced my family and I would be living in a cardboard box for the rest of our lives with Jesus running things. After all Jesus has no college degree or credentials at all that I know of. He is the God of the universe, but somehow I forget that all too quickly.
The only thing I seem to be sure of about Jesus is that He loves me and He wants the best for me and my family. Contrary to the way it might seem at the time I hand control of my life over to Him.
He not only gave me a great career, but He showed His power in amazing ways. He took my wife and I to the Czech republic. I was terrified the whole time and failed to trust Him and had to come home. Still He kept working. He brought my family and I to Colorado, healed my son’s asthma, healed my wife’s food allergies and gave us more children after 10 years of having no children.
After He did all that for me, I still never mentioned His name on this website until today. Forgive me Jesus. I will not be silent anymore.
After He did all that for me, I still didn’t trust Him completely. I turned away from Him after all that and told Him His provision was inadequate.
I was upset because my wife was pregnant again and I had no health insurance. Still don’t, but I thought that if I got a full time office job I would surely get health insurance. My trust was again severely misplaced. I made good steady money while I was working in the office job, but still had no health insurance and continued to watch my dept grow in spite of the good pay.
I worked very hard in the office and used my skills to the fullest, but I watched my family grow further away from me. Working from home as a contractor in the job Jesus had given me before allowed me a very close relationship with my family. For several years I let that relationship decay while working to become successful at the office.
Finally God started allowing trouble to come in order to get my attention. My Jeep was destroyed while parked at my office job. He also had various other obvious things smack me. So I started seeking Him again.
I had been dimly aware of my rejection of His plan for my life. I was frustrated since He didn’t seem to be paying my debts or providing the way people say He should. I don’t like people looking at me as a bad provider, so He allowed me to get the office job to teach me a lesson a providing. I have to say, I cannot provide what my family needs, only Jesus can do that.
All that led me to go back to working from home. Not sure how it’s going to turn out this time. I know He forgives me for my lack of faith, but I sure have none to speak of. I usually would have waited to see what He was going to do before telling anyone about this. I don’t like to have to end the story by saying my help is still on the way. This time I am going to risk it. My only hope is for Jesus to act on my behalf. Otherwise my family and I will become a part of the current Colorado Housing Crisis and maybe we will have to live in a card board box because I listened to Jesus.
So far He has never let that happen, but for some reason I still expect giving Jesus control to land me there. After typing this out it seems pretty clear to me that Jesus will provide and my nightmares will prove to be lies of the enemy.
If you are in a similar situation please describe in the comments, perhaps Jesus will have people pray for your situation.